Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 142 - 12-31-11 - Can't Find the Beer Man

Vertically Striped Radio makes it's first appearance on a new feed, and Craig was ready with the perfect song to celebrate the joining of VSR with the LCS vibe. We also made a policy determination for the show in that VSR is semi-pro nudity. 


Craig shared his story of haircutting troubles, then was joined by Face and The Whale as they recapped 2011 with a Magnificent Seven list of the Top Seven Notable Deaths of 2011 and followed that up with a recap of the big stories in the news and sports for the year. Face did not disappoint with his tendency to live life in a news vacuum, so many of these stories were discovered for the very first time. 


Craig also debuted his new song "Can't Find the Beer Man" and shared his prediction of gloom and doom for both his Broncos and Face's Cowboys in their regular season finales on Sunday. The Vertically Striped Music recommendation was "Shake it Out" by Florence + The Machine.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 141 - 12-24-11 - Happy Christmas!

Vertically Striped Radio gets you in the mood for Christmas, so long as you don't mind learning the truth about Santa. Craig explains his pro-Christmas, anti-Santa stance as well as plays a bunch of great holiday clips to get your Christmas off with a bang!

 

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 140 - 12-19-11

The power went out in San Francisco for the Niners-Steelers game, and it got Craig thinking that the power would soon go out on the Fake Radio Network feed. May as well do a farewell to the feed show and play the sound clips one last time! 


Face called in and he and Craig started to reminisce about the past two and a half years of Vertically Striped Fake Radio mediocrity. The callers started coming out of the woodwork, as despite not advertising that we were doing this impromptu show. Major Minority, Nalax, and GoBraves all called in to help us say goodbye both to the feed and to Kim Jong Il. We even finished things up with a Vertically Striped Music Recommendation from Freelance Whales of "Generator > 2nd Floor".

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 139 - 12-17-11 - Don't Be THAT Guy

Craig and Face go head to head in a Magnificent Seven where we lay out our Top 7 "Don't be THAT guy" Guys. In a topic that was custom made for Face and his ongoing war against humanity, we laid out all sorts of behaviors one should do their best to avoid. 


 After that, it was time for the obligitory Tim Tebow segment as The Whale joined us as and we expressed our continued bewilderment at Timmy's success despite appearing to be incompetent. We were even joined briefly by The Whale's Dad who popped in to say hello. The VSR music recommendation was "Hunted by Ghosts" by Seattle band "The Local Strangers".

 

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 138 - 12-10-11 - Craig Loves Zoos

A sunny day had Craig in an upbeat mood. Face and Craig settled a simmering issue of Face unhappiness and then we were joined by Security Guy Irv for a discussion of the relative merits of mixed martial arts. 


Irv hung with us for the news, and then bid us a good day as we worked our way through a new edition of "Something to Think About" and checked in with Craig's favorite German the great and powerful Flula. 


The Whale popped in briefly to say hello and was followed by The Ed who called in and discussed sports and other random Ed like thoughts with the gang for the final half hour of the show. We wrapped things up with a music recommendation from John Lennon of "Nobody Told Me" on the week of the 31st anniversary of his death.

Mastiff vs. Chihuahua - It really is a dog eat dog world.

Vertically Striped Radio - 12-3-11 - Episode 137 - Tebow Overload

We are venturing dangerously close to VSR Tebow overload. Face, the Whale, and Craig talked yet again about Denver's subpar quarterback sensation, Craig played a clip from the Fake Kyle Orton bemoaning losing his job and self respect to Tebow, we then talked with Chris, a guy in Denver who is trying to organize a Tebow flash mob in Denver, and even the Ed wanted to discuss the pride of the Gators. 


It wasn't all Tebow talk today, as we played a round of "Would you rather?", Craig discussed a Welch cat named Puss Puss, Craig played a voice mail message from an Austrailian School followed by Face and Whale flailing for a few minutes, Craig practiced his Beavis and Butthead impersonations, and we even had a very awkward edition of the Magnificent Seven (Top 7 Awkward words or phrases.) 


The Ed called in and did Ed type things for about 20 minutes at the end before we called it a day with a music recommendation of "You Don't Know Me" by Ben Folds.

A Merry Hunt

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 136 - 11-24-11 - Thanksgivingish

It's the VSR Thanksgiving spectacular! Craig has a long list of things for which he is thankful that lead the show in some unexpected directions. That include Dinosaurs, Hot Mustard, and what is likely the dumbest utterance of “Alligator” in human history. (And of course, Craig is thankful for the Muppets.) 


Craig also has a Magnificent Seven list of his Top 7 Cookies, the VSR Holiday Gift guide with unique gift ideas for that hard to shop for person, and Craig and Luke prepare Egg Cakes in the inaugural (and likely Final) edition of “Cooking with Craig” and then things wrap up with a music recommendation of “Thankful” by Caedmon’s Call.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 135 - 11-19-11 - Stuffing the Prius

Tim Tebow is taking Denver by storm, and Craig is confused as to exactly what to think. Can a terrible quarterback also be great? It defies logic, althought that is the result of the early returns of the Tebow era. Craig, Face, and The Whale spend a full segment discussing the state of the NFL. 


We also deal with the dangers of hippos as pets, the sucess of McDonalds despite not being good at anything, and Craig's status as a professional Prius stuffer. In between all that, Craig has a new edition of "Something to Think About" and also "The Week in Wankery" and finishes up with the Vertically Striped Music Recommendation of "E. Watson" from the new Decemberists album "Long Live the King."

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 134 - The one with Capitalist Fox

It was an odd day on the show, made odder by a Skype caller by the name of capitalist.fox who every time we put him on the air he or she did nothing but play vulgar music. So that was fun. 


The callers we did entertain who actually spoke included Face and the Whale as the Magnificent Seven counted down the Top 7 Sports injustices. Then the Ed called in and things fell apart in a very Ed like way. Ed rambled for longer than we probably should have let him, but then he helped us discuss the changes we would make to NFC uniforms. During this segment we came to learn that Ed really likes gold in a uniform. 


Craig wrapped things up by briefly discussing the confusion that is the AFC West, and a few other random topics with Face and The Whale before wrapping things up with a music recommendation from Peter Mulvey of "The Dreams".

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 133 - 11-05-11 - Don't call me Amigo!

Craig is lucky to be alive after the Ed nearly killed him this week. He used his new lease on life to chat up some new "Something to Think About" ideas with Face. Among other ideas, Craig hates being called Amigo, and has a great idea to intimidate opponents in a stadium or arena. 


Craig also had his Magnificent Seven Top 7 Favorite words in Spanish and a music recommendation from Ben Folds Five of the song "Army". 


It was a short show because Craig was getting ready to take the family to see the Lion King at the Temple Buell theater. (How sad is it that an hour and 20 minutes qualifies for short show status?)

 

A difficult scenario for the Cookie Monster...

Sage Advice from a Video Game Character

My official position on Tim Tebow.

With the benching of Kyle Orton, I find myself in an odd spot when it comes to my favorite team, the Denver Broncos. In Tim Tebow, my team is now starting a quarterback who is a really good guy that is beloved by the entire city. That'd be great if he had even a modicum of competence, but sadly he's a fundamentals lacking trainwreck. 


The fervor and irrational exuberance behind him is baffling to me. Although I want with all my heart for him to be a great quarterback leading the Broncos to championships, however I believe him to be a severely below average quarterback who will lead us to 5-11 caliber seasons for as long as he is behind center. Whenever the man takes the field, you'd think that he's the Beatles at Shea Stadium. The crowd gushes with the enthusiasm of a 14 year old girl.


The entire city of Denver has a man-crush on Tim Tebow. It's more than somewhat embarrassing, considering his skill set. The passion supporting him has led to non stop booing of Kyle Orton which in turn has led to the inevitable crushing of Orton's confidence. Orton has every right to hate the city of Denver. I wouldn't blame him. The crowd in Denver has booed him unmercifully at the first tiny sign of trouble all season. It has reached the point that he fell apart psychologically, becaming a shell of the quarterback he once was. Before all this drama of, Kyle Orton, while not a great quarterback, was better than Timmy. We've seen this flavor of quarterback psyche destruction happen before in Denver with Jake Plummer falling apart with a rookie Jay Cutler on the sidelines. The Denver crowd has an amazing ability to destroy a quarterback's confidence when there is what they perceive to be a better option holding a clip board.


Orton always was limited and he now has so little belief in himself at that at this point that I'm fine with giving Tebow a shot. In fact, doing so seems to be the only logical thing to do at this point, but don't mistake the Broncos' utter lack of options with me having faith in Tebow's ability. It's great that he's money from inside the 5 yard line, but at some point, an NFL quarterback must actually be able to throw the ball downfield.


The Broncos have nothing to lose this season, they are not putting things together for a playoff run. They may as well use 2011 to discover what exactly they have in their second year quarterback. Sadly, I believe that what they have with Tebow is a first round drafted quarterback who should have dropped to the 3rd or 4th round. Denver doesn't have a quarterback controversy, that requires actual NFL quality quarterbacks. What the Broncos have is a gaping hole at the position. 


Here is my problem. I really like Tim Tebow, yet I find his play so astonishingly bad that I constantly find myself denigrating his play to fellow Broncos fans. It is to the point people think I hate him. I need to make this point very clear: I don't hate him, I just don't want him as the quarterback for my favorite team. He doesn't have the necessary skills. His accuracy is laughable, and his release looks like it would be more fitting on a pitchers mound than behind center. I can't say that too loud in this town, as the natives see such statements as sacrilegious, these types of heretical thoughts are worthy of torches and pitchforks. Tim is beloved, and for good reasons, sadly none of those reasons seem to involve his skill at playing the quarterback position in the NFL.


I so badly want to be wrong about this belief. I want Tim to prove that he belongs and that he is capable of leading the Broncos for years to come. I have zero issues cheering for the man. I just think I'm an early adopter to realizing how truly terrible he is. The people of Colorado won't put up with dreadful play and loss after loss after loss from anyone, not even the sainted Tim Tebow. I don't know how long it will take Denver to turn on him, but it will happen. And when it does, know that while I have never believed in him, I do like him. I won't be booing the man when everyone else starts to do so. Just as I'm not irrationally waving the pom-poms for him now. I'll still like him, even as he proves to be what I thought he was all along. No, I'm not going to be the one booing, I'll be the guy with the sad but knowing grin on his face, quietly muttering under my breath, "I told you so."

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 132 - 10-29-11 - The VSR Halloween Spooktacular

Episode 132 is a Vertically Striped Radio Halloween Spooktacular that seems destined to take it's place alongside "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." From a Ghost story for kids from 1973, to a spooky story from Dave Eggers, to Craig's off the board fears involving small children, trips to the grocery store, and Tim Tebow to Jerry Fairish from the LCS Hockey Show regaling us with stories from his haunted past. It's a lot of fun wrapped up in a spooky package with a odd choice for the music recommendation thrown in at the end. Happy Halloween!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 131 - 10-22-11 - The Third Duck

What kind of a podcast would spend almost their entire show discussing Mighty Ducks 3? Oh yeah, this podcast. The He-Man Movie Watchers Club convenes on Episode 131 for it's most ridiculous and longest meeting of all time to discuss a lousy Emilio Estevez vehicle. I'd just like to say I'm sorry for letting this show happen. I really am. 


Joe, Nalax, Face and Craig disect D3 in terrible detail this episode. Also, there was some news and a brief discussion of the NBA Lockout. Things then wrapped up with a music recommendation of "Family Tree" by TV on the Radio.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 130 - 10-15-11 - The long awaited return of 80% Trivia

The switchboard was hopping as Episode 130 brought about the much awaited return of 80% Trivia from a year hiatus. The phone lines were jammed as the majority of the show had people calling in to test their wits in categories such as TV Fat Guys, Name that Muppet, Super Bowl losers, Finish the lyrics: Disney Version, and 1980's Video Games. 


Two famous streaks were extended...Face always wins and Nalax always gets 60%, The Ed showed up and won the day by somehow managing to get 90%. We also heard from old favorite such as Major Minority, Larry from LCS and Aaron from the No Name Show. 


 After the game show portion of the program, we finished out with what amounted to an impromptu Ed Show, as Ed regaled us with Edisms such as the video game "Honkey Kong" and the fact that if he could be any Super Hero, he'd be Cookie Monster. I wrapped up today's show with a music recommendation of Holocene from Bon Iver.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 129 - 10-08-11 - Hitting Moose is Trendy.

Episode 129 brought up more questions than it answered. Should Craig attend a Special Chinese party with a special story of a 93 years old lady, a special music, a special topic, and a special Chinese food Dim-Sum? Should Craig start cheering for the Broncos to lose? Does Face lose his mind watching Miami Hurricanes football? Where is Sexy Pizza? Why are all these sisters plowing into Moose? What took so long to get rid of Hank Williams Jr? What's the best Facebook song? Who was the Wanker of the Week? And most importantly, WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO WATCH MIGHTY DUCKS 3??? 


I don't know that we answered all these questions, but we did our best to attempt to do so. Craig laid out a challenge to all the alleged supporters of D3: The Mighty Ducks, and Face and The Whale helped him navigate a very choppy and odd edition of the show. The music recommendation was the song "Broken Horse" by Freelance Whales, and if you hang out to the end, you'll hear a dramatic reading of "The Pout Pout Fish"

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 128 - 10-01-11 - The Return of The Whale!

It was Craig's 35th birthday, and he got the present that he wanted most...The Whale's return to the Vertically Striped Airwaves! We hadn't heard from The Whale on the show since June, and it was glorious to have him back. 


Face, The Whale and Craig discussed the greatest day in regular season baseball history...September 28th, 2011. As the Red Sox completed their implosion, and the Rays had a gigantic comeback against the Yankees to complete their gigantic comeback in the Wild Card race, and the guys discussed who they would be supporting in the baseball postseason this year. It's a slightly disappointing field of teams, as no city has gone more than 10 years without a championship in a major sport. We also discussed the trouble with the Cowboys Center snapping the ball willy-nilly, it's almost as if he doesn't care if Tony Romo is ready or not. 


Before all the sports talk, Craig discussed the recent trend of the super rich purchasing dinosaurs, and talks a bit about a hot and heavy auction for a T-Rex skull between two Hollywood heavy hitters. Craig also presented part 1 of his two part series in which he presents NFL teams with tweaks to make their uniforms better. Today was the AFC's turn to learn how they could improve their threads. 


Craig finished up with a new edition of "Something to Think About!" which was ended abruptly by a call from our friend The Ed. And then after all that, Craig had a music recommendation of "Right Before My Eyes" from Cage the Elephant's appropriately named album "Thank You, Happy Birthday"

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 127 - 09-24-11 - Weird Al: An Appreciation

The Final VSR for September had the gang in a musical mood. After a Colorado themed newscast, we discussed how REM split up this week after decades together, Craig and John Kline discussed their favorite REM songs. We played "How Old Is _____?" with a bevy of rock stars and most importantly for today's show, we celebrated the genius that is Weird Al. Face tried his best to be helpful, but apparently he isn't quite as well versed in Weird Al as Craig. 


The Magnificent Seven list was Craig's Top 7 Weird Al songs. And the music recommendation this week was "Skipper Dan" from our friend Mr. Yankovic. All this Weird Al focus was brought on by Craig's trip to a Weird Al concert this past Tuesday with his buddy Doug. Craig gave his impression of what it was like to attend such an event, which was remarkably entertaining to him.


At the end of the show, Craig had the second ever edition of "The Winds of Change" as he celebrated the end of the Kenyon Martin era in Denver, scratched his head at the terrible new Miami Marlins logo, and saluted the Toronto Blue Jays for changing to a logo reminiscent of their glory days, but with just enough modern flavor to make it great.

Adios K-Mart, Enjoy the Chinese Basketball Association.

Turns out, Boyz II Men are full of crap, because it's not so hard to say goodbye. In fact, I'd like to take a moment to thank the Xinjiang Flying Tigers. Because of them, Kenyon Martin is no longer a Denver Nugget, and for that favor, I will be eternally in their debt, as I now get to say goodbye! Don't go away sad, K-Mart, just go away.


I don't know how to say goodbye in Mandarin, K-Mart, but chances are great you will know quite soon. I'd say that I'm going to miss you, but no one would believe me. 


I am madly, passionately, wonderfully happy to bid you adieu. Have fun in China, Mr. Martin, as from what I hear based on THIS ARTICLE, it sounds like the Chinese Basketball Association in the oppressive communist nation is a great place to play.  Don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out of Colorado, or do let it hit you...honestly I don't care if your butt gets bruised...I just want you out. (knowwhati'msayin) 


And for the record, Kenyon. I have no idea what you're saying.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 126 - 09-16-11 - Wyoming, The Final Frontier

Yet another podcast edition of the show. Typical of the podcast versions of the show, this one jumps around quite a bit. 


This episode features a voyage to the mythical realm of Wyoming, an Islamic squirrel, The Magnificent Seven - Craig's Top 7 Movie Heros, a challenger to The Ed from Vegas, Craig's official position on the nutty Maryland football uniforms, and the usual news and music recommendations. 


The music recommendation is "Opposite Day" by Andrew Bird.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 125 - 09-14-11 - Broncos vs. Raiders

The original co-host is back! (For one episode only.) Bruce and Craig Dodge host a special "On Location" edition of Vertically Striped Radio direct from Whatever They're Calling it Now Field at Mile High. Follow along with the highs and lows (mostly lows) of two Broncos fans as they cheer on their Broncos against the hated Raiders...and lose. 


There are interviews with Raiders fans, Broncos fans, guys dressed as the Three Amigos. Torrential rain and a record tying 63 yard Field Goal are also in the mix, along with a very tired Craig signing off at the end at the ungodly hour of 1 AM. 


There has never been a VSR episode quite like this...

  

The Official Logo of Opening Day in the NFL

Vertically Striped Interview - Episode 4 - 09-10-11 - Justin Dreyer

My guest for this edition of VSI was Justin Dreyer, a social activist who is a proponent of ending America's drug war in an effort to reduce drug abuse and because it is the socially just thing to do. He has a very interesting perspective, and one which I feel was worth hearing out.


I would recommend checking out this documentary entitled "Exile Nation":

For further reading Justin recommends these websites:

http://ssdp.org
http://www.exilenation.org
http://www.drugpolicy.org 
http://norml.org
http://www.saferchoice.org
http://www.regulatemarijuana.org

Exile Nation

This is the documentary that was referenced several times during my conversation with Justin Dreyer. It's worth watching to see something from a point of view you may have never considered.


The Exile Nation Project: An Oral History of the War on Drugs [HD] from Charles B Shaw on Vimeo.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 124 - 09-03-11 - No One Likes Yellow Cups.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!! (Nope, not Christmas, the beginning of FOOTBALL!) Despite the football madness, VSR focused very little on our favorite sport, but rather enjoyed one of those totally random type days. (A virtual certainty when the main agenda item is "Something to Think About") 

John Kline joined Face and Craig as we waxed philosophically how people should be named Josh, decided no one likes yellow cups, discussed the service levels of the fast food industry, delicately handled porcupine procreation, and realized that you can, indeed, have a weird favorite color. Today was the kind of show that could make you want to punch a bear in the nose. 

Among the oddities of todays show, we learned what it's like to be a decidely non-hard core guy doing hard core rap, we also were treated to the second edition of "Muppets Then and Now" and finished the festivites off with a music recommendation of "All is not Lost" by OK Go.

Preseason thoughts from Denver:

Broncos 23 Seahawks 20

So, if I'm going to pay attention to any preseason football, tonight was the night to do it. I was even rewarded with getting to see Tim Tebow bludgeon his way to a game winning drive. It's all meaningless, but if they're going to go to the trouble of pretending to play football, I'll go to the trouble of pretending to root for them. The Broncos performed reasonably well in their dress rehearsal, and we won't see the majority of the starters until the games actually start counting when they kick off against the Raiders on September 12th. Here are a few things I noticed while watching tonight:

Kyle Orton is clearly the best quarterback on the squad right now, but that doesn't mean he isn't still immensely average at best. He had some tremendous throws tonight, yet also managed one of the worst interceptions you'll ever see and reminded me yet again why hope dies for the Broncos offense once the play breaks down. Once Kyle Orton feels the pressure, he becomes hopeless in the backfield. He just runs backwards until someone can corral him for a huge loss. The man is fundamentally incapable of making something out of nothing.

Von Miller is impressive. A 2nd overall pick better be impressive, and Von's speed around the corner is breathtaking. I haven't seen enough of him to know if he'll be consistent and able to make it through a full season of NFL pounding, but I've been impressed in the little I have seen.

Tim Tebow remains raw. I have no idea if he'll ever mature into an effective NFL player, but it's clear he's not there yet. Despite the fact that he is the highest profile player on the Broncos by a mile, fact is, he's probably the third best quarterback on the roster, and may never get good enough to be a starter. I continue to hope for the best, and expect the worst.

Knowshon Moreno shows flashes of brilliance, and then continues to be an average back. If you're a fantasy player picking him up for your team, be wary that it appears there is an excellent chance that Willis McGahee is going to vulture a lot of his touchdowns, as it sure looks like John Fox likes using Willis in goal line situations more than Knowshon.

Tavaris Jackson is still Tavaris Jackson, meaning I'm not expecting much from Seattle this year.

John Fox looks like the kind of guy who yells at kids to get off his lawn. I get a very Parcells-ish vibe from him. I don't necessarily consider that a good thing.

I can't shake the feeling that the Broncos should be improved from last season. Not that they're going to be good, but merely improved. After 4-12 last year, Improvement is all I'm really hoping for. I got into a conversation with my brother about what a pie-in-the-sky best possible season might be, and we both agreed 8-8. Safe to say that it's not the best time to be a Broncos fan, but we remain faithful. Who knows, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised with a fun season. You gotta be hopeful in August.

Anyway, that's enough about the fake football of August. Wake me up when September comes and the games actually count. Go Broncos!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 123 - 08-27-11 - Movin' Right Along

It's impossible to overstate how excited Craig is that a new Muppet movie is on the horizon. To celebrate, he introduced a new feature that will lead up to "The Muppets" coming to theatres in November. The Muppets Then and Now had it's first edition of "Moving Right Along" 


The Magnificent Seven list this week was a countdown of The Whale's and Craig's Top 7 Cheesy Songs that we secretly like. Craig's number 1 led to Fab Morvan getting to share his side of a huge contraversy in the music biz, and then Craig finished things off with a music recommendation of "I Know" by the Barenaked Ladies. 


Thanks to Face for calling in despite the fact that he apparently has never listened to the radio, and thanks to Jerry Fairish for calling in to rip Face for his lack of musical knowledge when it comes to terrible music. Jerry and I also shared our love of So I Married an Axe Murderer. (By the way, the actor we couldn't think of was Charles Grodin).

OK Go and The Muppets

I love OK Go, and I LOVE the Muppets. So often, the world of entertainment seems determined to annoy me, it's so rare that the cosmic forces all align for something this awesome...Every now and then I get lucky:

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 122 - 08-20-11 - Cinematic Alzheimers

Craig described the movie "Rubber" as a cinematic version of having Alzheimers, you get to the end, and you know things were happening, but you're not sure exactly what. All you know is that you are confused, and it's over. Episode 122 may have been the podcast version of this same style of confusion, but at least it felt fun once it was over.


In 122, VSR strikes back against commercials that were tacked on to the beginning of the show as we played our first anti-commercial.


Face Ventura and Elevation joined Craig to discuss things like Craig's rough emotional week spent sporting a WNBA avatar, the implosion of Miami football, Roger Goodell's omnipotence, stadium naming rights, and Jay Glazer's hatred of clowns.


The He-Man movie watcher's club tried to disect the movie "Rubber" which is hard to do seeing as how it's a non-sensical pretentious movie about a killer tire. After muddling through, Craig wrapped things up with a music recommendation of the song "Orchestrated Love Song" by Burlap to Cashmere.