Powerlines: Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

The Koalaphant, a creature that never forgets AND eats nothing but eucalyptus.

The NFL is finally starting to make at least a small amount of sense. Enough where I felt like it was a good idea to sort the teams into some sort of ranking order, again. You may disagree with my rankings, and you're probably right, but this is how I see the NFL at the current moment, feel free to disagree in the comments.

1. Falcons – Matt Ryan is a machine at home. Bad news for the NFC, seeing as how Atlanta has the inside track on homefield advantage throughout the playoffs. I don’t feel super great about the Falcons at number 1, but there are plenty of reasons to doubt the next five teams on this list.

2. Patriots – For a team at the top of my rankings, they feel very vulnerable. Even as I’m watching them on Thanksgiving falling behind to the Lions, I think to myself that they can be had, and then I look up, and they have put 45 up on the board and are winning a laugher. Weird team that is just finds ways to win. Huge game upcoming against the Jets which could and probably will determine the AFC’s top seed. By the way, they lost by 20 to the Browns this year. Still feel great about them?

3. Ravens – Just because you may have forgotten…This team lost to the Bengals this year. Still feel great about them?

4. Steelers – If God doesn’t knock the ball out of Stevie Johnson’s hands, the Steelers would have lost to the Bills. Still feel great about them?

5. Jets – Were given a gift win on a desperation heave in Denver, and then had back to back overtime games with the Browns and Lions. Still feel great about them?

6. Saints – Lost by 10 to the Cardinals this year. Still feel great about them?

7. Packers – All four of their losses this year have come by only three points each, and two of those were in overtime. I actually do feel kind of good about them, but they DO have 4 losses.

8. Eagles – I sure hope this team is able to win enough down the stretch to claim an NFC playoff spot. Why? Because I enjoy watching Mike Vick.

9. Bears – Yes, they are 8-3 and have won games against the likes of the Packers and Eagles. Still, something about this team feels fraudulent, and I can’t help but think they make the playoffs, perhaps even get a first round bye, but that they will end up losing at home in their first game in the postseason.

10. Chargers – Here comes the late season rise of the Chargers. Putting their foot down on the Colts was a clear statement that they are for real. The only question is are they going to be able to keep it up and track down the Chiefs for the AFC West? I think they will do it, but they absolutely MUST beat KC in their head-to-head rematch in San Diego.

11. Giants – Coming from behind against Jacksonville to end their two game skid was critical. Can they regain the mojo that gave them a five game win streak? Remains to be seen, but this is a team I would not want to play in the postseason if I’m an NFC team.

12. Colts – It’s weird to see a Peyton Manning team rated this low this late in a season. They are in real danger of missing the playoffs entirely, or at least, they would be if the rest of their division weren’t comprised entirely of frauds like the Titans, Jags, and Texans.

13. Chiefs – They aren’t terrible, but I think they get overtaken by San Diego and won’t have enough to claim a Wild Card.

14. Buccaneers – If you want me to take you seriously, Tampa, you need to actually beat someone with a winning record. Still, coming off the season they had last year, this season has been a marked improvement for the Bucs.

15. Dolphins – They might be able to win two or three divisions in the NFL, however they are stuck with the Patriots and Jets, and therefore will be watching the playoffs from the couch like the rest of us.

16. Jaguars – Playoff charts may show them as “Also in the hunt” but don’t be deceived. There will be no hunting in Jacksonville this year.

17. Texans – I’d say all the fight is out of the Texans, but did you SEE Andre Johnson throw down on Cortland Finnegan? Sadly, winning that fight doesn’t count towards playoff standings.

18. Raiders – If you’re an Oakland fan, you can look at this season as half-empty in that there are only five games remaining and you have a losing record, or you can look at it as half-full in that you still will have your best season in eight years with just two more wins.

19. Rams – The best team in the NFC West checks in at number 19. I hate the NFC West and the fact that one of these dreadful teams will take a playoff spot from a team that should actually be there.

20. 49ers – How sad was Monday night’s game? It matched up two 3-7 teams with either having a chance to move within a game of the division lead with a win. Again, I hate the NFC West.

21. Cowboys – So, you think the Cowboys had quit on Wade Phillips yet? I think the worst case scenario for Dallas fans is that Jason Garrett does just well enough that Jerry Jones removes the interim from his name tag and they are stuck with another crappy coach for half a decade.

22. Titans – Never trust a quarterback named Rusty.

23. Vikings – or a quarterback that is literally rusty, for that matter.

24. Browns – Peyton Hillis is a stud, and yet another reminder why the past two years in Denver have not been so good on the personnel front. For the pleasure of dumping Brady Quinn on the Broncos, not only did the Browns get Hillis, they also got a sixth rounder in 2011 and a conditional pick in 2012. What a disaster for Denver.

25. Seahawks – Got thumped by the Chiefs on their home field, yet still are very much in the hunt for the playoffs. I hate the NFC West.

26. Redskins – Is Dan Snyder ready to fire Mike Shanahan yet? Probably not, but if you heard the rumor how surprised would you REALLY be?

27. Lions – Legitimately, are the Lions cursed? They should be better than they are, yet here we are and they have a whopping 2 wins.

28. Broncos – Fire Josh McDaniels already. This season was already bad enough before we got tossed lumped into the cheating section of the NFL with the New England Patriots. We’re too crappy of an NFL team to be cheating.

29. Bills – Blaming God is nothing new, Stevie Johnson. Buffalo has spent the past decade questioning God about why they’ve been stuck with the Bills. By the way, don’t blame God there…YOU dropped the ball.

30. Cardinals - Watching this team on Monday night gave me hope that the Broncos can get at least one more win this year. Their defense is almost as bad as their offense. They have fallen fast from the team that almost won the Super Bowl two years ago.

31. Bengals - The nicest thing I can say about the Bengals is that my 3 year old son really likes their helmets because of the tiger stripes. Seriously, that's the nicest thing I could think to say.

32. Panthers - Well, at least they aren't going 0-16.